God leads us down bumpy roads with uniquely taylored twists and turns, designed just for us. When we are on the journey, it's often extremely difficult to understand why. Again, as in so many things, we have to trust His heart. He is looking at His specialized plan for each life, as He designs the road, and His plans for us are very, very good. (Jeremiah 29:11).
I am now on a road many have traveled, the path of back trouble. My special case began last summer when we moved our mother to assisted living. Sometime during the hauling of boxes, lamps and furniture, I sprained my back. Upon taking said back to the doctor, it was discovered that I have three or four arthritic knuckles in my spine. And that very spot is where all my weight centers when I stand.The doctor is working on complete healing of the area, as well as strengthening the muscles around the area, training them to take the load.
This particular design in my specially-designed road is significant because I can no longer stand for very long. I can walk, sit, kneel and lie down in comfort. But standing sets off inflamation in my lower back that causes pain and more therapy. I feel like I'm 102 years old when I sit, while everyone else stands in church. I'm no fun at all at a social gathering, having to find my parking space on a sofa or chair and stay there. I have to make passing conversations brief, since lingering and listening causes problems later.
This has been really, really irritating when I need to be with people. I love people. God made me, like my father, with a deep love for and desire to be around people. Communication is essential for me. It energizes me.
The limitation on the back is not just inconvenitent when I want so much to get up and talk when there are people around. I can't help my mother much any more. With an elderly person, much of what you do for them is to stand and hover. It takes them a long time to move. Sometines you stand and listen for a long time, while they think of what it is they want to say, or the rest of what they wanted to say. I love being around elderly people, but I can only come over, sit and talk now.
I have stayed home from church, parties, family gatherings, shopping and numerous other things, because they involved standing. I have found that Alleve doesn't work by way of great digestive discomfort. Over and over, I have said to God, "Why this? Why now?"
Trying to bend my will to what God has planned for me, I reluctantly did a word search for everywhere standing is important in the Bible. The most meaningful were as follows:
Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today...
The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still.
Exodus 14:13-14
Applying this here and now, I need to stay in the place where I am and trust God. HE will work good
out of this, even if I don't see it. He'll eventually deliver me from the pain (no pain in Heaven, right?) but, in the meantime, He will fight for me.
I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire.
He set my feet on a rock, and gave me a firm place to stand.
Psalm 40:1-2
Again, I am to wait. He will hear me. He'll either lift me out of the slimy pit of pain, or He'll give me a way to grow more closely to Him in this time. Or BOTH!
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful.
He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted,
He will also provide a way out, so that you can stand up under it.
I Corinthians 10:13
It's tempting to whine and complain. It's tempting to focus only on myself. It's tempting to fall into despair. But here God promises that He won't give any more than I can bear. He will give a way out that I can stand up under.
Could it be more clear? He stands with me in the place I am. He is developing patience and who knows what else in me through this. He will give me a way to bear it. And, one way or the other, He will deliver me from the pain.
Isn't He wonderful?!!!
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