New Wrinkle

 Just as I'm relaxing and planning for the months ahead, a new wrinkle appears in the situation. Chemotherapy is now a possibility. The few tiny minute pieces of cancer that escaped a capsule are a highly aggressive form. A panel of fifteen oncologists will meet tomorrow to decide my future.

As my nurse-daughter says, "Mom, if there's anything you can do to keep the cancer from coming back, do it!"

That's logical. It makes perfectly good sense. It's really wise. But, it's MY body, MY hair and MY schedule this fall. That makes it altogether different.

Ok. Deep breath. Think. MY body? MY hair? MY schedule?

Who made me? Who do I belong to? Who rescued me from myself when I was sixteen? Who gave my life meaning? And still does? Who is my Lord and Master?

It's not MY body, MY hair and MY schedule. It's Yours, Lord. They're all Yours.

So, I'm up for what You will permit and give me strength to make through. In fact, You'll teach me and grow me. I'll get to know you closer. So, as the Ginny Owens song says,

            I'll walk through the valley,
             If You want me to.

But it still makes my stomach turn to think about it. I can still be trusting You and having a churning stomach at the same, can't I, Lord?